List of Welcomings

A list of welcoming lines by episode
Episode No. Title Release Date
1 Pilot 15 June 2012

A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

2 Glow Cloud 1 July 2012

The desert seems vast, even endless. And yet, scientists tell us that somewhere, even now, there is snow.

3 Station Management 15 July 2012

The Arctic is lit by the midnight sun. The surface of the moon is lit by the face of the Earth. Our little town is lit too, by lights just above that we cannot explain.

4 PTA Meeting 1 August 2012

The sun has grown so very, very old. How long, cold, fading death? How long?

5 The Shape in Grove Park 15 August 2012

Close your eyes. Let my words wash over you. You are safe now.

6 The Drawbridge 1 September 2012

Rabbits are not what they seem to be.

7 History Week 15 September 2012

It is almost complete. It is almost complete at last.

8 The Lights in Radon Canyon 1 October 2012

Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic.

9 "PYRAMID" 15 October 2012

Weird at last! Weird at last! God Almighty, weird at last!

10 Feral Dogs 1 November 2012

Regret nothing. Until it is too late. Then, regret everything.

11 Wheat & Wheat By-Products 14 November 2012

Today's air quality is mauve and speckled.

12 The Candidate 1 December 2012

The policeman in that intersection is not directing traffic. He's coding an urgent message to all of us.

13 A Story About You. 15 December 2012

This is a story about you," said the man on the radio, and you were pleased, because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio.

14 The Man in the Tan Jacket 1 January 2013

Look to the obelisk. We don't know where it came from, but it's attracting a lot of cats.

15 Street Cleaning Day 15 January 2013

Bananas are hardly that slippery. But watch your step anyway.

16 The Phone Call 1 February 2013

Your existence is not impossible. But it's also not very likely.

17 Valentine 15 February 2013

Trust everyone.

18 The Traveler 1 March 2013

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. It is only the truth-seeker who wonders, 'Why is the glass there? Why is there water all over the floor? Why is it covering every other surface of the house? Who -- or what -- is doing this to us?'

19A The Sandstorm (Part A) 15 March 2013

Blinking red light in the night sky. The future is changing, but it's hard to tell.

19B The Sandstorm (Part B) 15 March 2013

The future is what you make of it. Just know that your supplies are limited. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

20 Poetry Week 1 April 2013

"You'll be safe here," says a whisper behind you.

21 A Memory of Europe 15 April 2013

Hang a map of a place you'll never go on your living room wall. Draw new streets. Tear off bodies of water. Wait for news crews to arrive.

22 The Whispering Forest 1 May 2013

There is a thin semantic line separating weird and beautiful. And that line is covered in jellyfish.

23 Eternal Scouts 15 May 2013

We report only the real, the semi-real, and the verifiably unreal.

24 The Mayor 1 June 2013

The sun has risen. You are awake. This symmetry is not without meaning.

25 One Year Later 15 June 2013

A friendly desert community, where the sun is still hot, the moon still beautiful, and mysterious lights still pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

26 Faceless Old Woman 1 July 2013

Trumpets playing soft jazz from out of the dark desert distance. They come tomorrow. It is too late for us.

27 First Date 15 July 2013

Mountains. Endless mountains. Peak after barren peak. And what lies, restless, in the shadowed valleys? I cannot say. I cannot say.

28 Summer Reading Program 1 August 2013

Does it even matter how many living things you touched today? Or where they all are now?

29 Subway 15 August 2013

Our black suns move erratically like drunken bees, and each of them stings. Now more than ever we are full of blood and honey.

30 Dana 1 September 2013

It takes heart. It takes guts. It also takes cash. It just needs your payment immediately.

31 A Blinking Light up on the Mountain 15 September 2013

Our god is an awesome god. Much better than that ridiculous god that Desert Bluffs has.

32 Yellow Helicopters 1 October 2013

A lonely heart, a wandering eye, an empty stomach, a shoulder to cry on - this is what makes us, us.

33 Cassette 15 October 2013

Perhaps you noticed something strange yesterday. And perhaps you have forgotten it.

34 A Beautiful Dream 1 November 2013

Life is like a box of chocolates; Unopened. Dusty. And beginning to attract a lot of insects.

35 Lazy Day 15 November 2013

No one has seen the trees this week. Hopefully they'll come back soon.

36 Missing 1 December 2013

Red sky at night. Sailors delight. Red sky at night. The sailors are howling and laughing. The sailors begin to surround us and the night sky is so very red.

37 The Auction 15 December 2013

Velvet darkness. Silken light. The rough burlap of evening. The frayed cotton of daybreak.

38 Orange Grove 1 January 2014

You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both, and there you have spiders crawling out of a red velvet cupcake.

39 The Woman from Italy 15 January 2014

Flying is actually the safest mode of transportation. The second safest is dreaming. The third safest is decomposing into rich earth and drifting away with the wind and rain.

40 The Deft Bowman 1 February 2014

The riddle says: “He walks on four legs in the morning. He walks on two legs at midday. And at night, he slithers from dream to dream effortlessly, like the air we breathe. And we love him.”

41 WALK 15 February 2014

At a loss for words? Here's a few you can use: Welcome to Night Vale.

42 Numbers 1 March 2014

I sing the body electric. I gasp the body organic. I miss the body remembered.

43 Visitor 15 March 2014

Listen to your heart. You can hear it deep under the earth. Creaking and heaving. With roots snapping and birds flapping quickly away.

44 Cookies 1 April 2014

All that glitters is not gold. Particularly that thing over there. That's maybe a giant insect of some sort. It's really too dark to tell.

45 A Story About Them 15 April 2014

This is a story about them, says the man on the radio, and you are concerned, because this is not a story you were ever supposed to hear.

46 Parade Day 1 May 2014

Just act natural. Just act like all of nature. Just act like the entire cycle of life and death and change and rebirth.

47 Company Picnic 15 May 2014

Snow is falling somewhere. Many things are falling, or will fall, or have fallen, but temporary triumph is still triumph. Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

48 Renovations 1 June 2014

True beauty is on the inside, where everything is red and glistening and full of practical organs and sharp rocks. Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

49A Old Oak Doors Part A 15 June 2014

The sun is bright, the moon is irrelevant and we are light and light and light and light. We're light. Think back, look forward, listen timelessly.

50 Capital Campaign 15 July 2014

Home is where the heart is. We found it one day in the sink. It hums things late at night, but they are not songs.

51 Rumbling 1 August 2014

Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a cloud! It's a moon?! Also, some stars. There are so many things in the sky.

52 The Retirement of Pamela Winchell 15 August 2014

Now is your chance. Well, that was it. It's over. Did you do it? Have you achieved what you wanted? No? Oh well.

53 The September Monologues 1 September 2014

The wind out of the desert is changing. I feel it; you feel it. A shiver in the midday heat. A crackle in the television broadcast. A shift in your immune system. It is September, and something is different. It is September, and the days have gone sinister – from first eye’s open to last slow breathing. It is September, and so, listeners – dear listeners – Night Vale Public Radio is proud to introduce The September Monologues.

54 A Carnival Comes to Town 15 September 2014

The secret to a long life lies in how acutely you perceive time.

55 The University of What It Is 1 October 2014

Let me be brief. Let us all be brief. Let us briefly be.

56 Homecoming 15 October 2014

It is autumn, and nature is vanishing. It is autumn, and nature is beautiful.

Bonus Ep. 1 Minutes 1 November 2014
If you're worried your writing isn't good just remember the earth is warming and soon good and bad writing alike will all be underwater.
57 The List 1 December 2014

Breathe deep. Deeper than that. Get far below sea level and breathe. Breathe in a cave. Breathe in a deeper cave. Breathe deeper and deeper until you can’t find your way back.

58 Monolith 15 December 2014

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.

59 Antiques 1 January 2015

It’s not darkest before the dawn. It’s actually darkest after all the stars have gone out. It’s very dark then.

60 Water Failure 15 January 2015

See some evil, hear some evil, speak some evil.

61 BRINY DEPTHS 1 February 2015

There’s nothing under your bed. Nothing in your closet. Nothing waiting in the hall. You are surrounded by nothing. You cannot escape it.

62 Hatchets 15 February 2015

Dare to dream. Do it. We dare you. Go ahead, dream. It’ll be fine. We promise.

63 There Is No Part 1: Part 2 1 March 2015
There is no Part 1. This is Part 2.
64 WE MUST GIVE PRAISE 15 March 2015

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Judge it by the harmful messages it contains.

65 Voicemail 1 April 2015
You have reached the voicemail of Cecil Gershwin Palmer. That might seem like an easy thing to do, but think about how long you had to stay alive just to learn how a phone works and who I am. Congratulate yourself on that. Give yourself a vigorous pat on the back, and…don’t forget to leave a message after the heavily distorted sample of a man saying “I just couldn’t eat another bite.”

Live Shows
Show No. Title Release Date
1 Condos 25 September 2013

At last, we are alone. At last we are, all of us, alone together. At last, every human, alone together, on this earth.

2 The Debate 10 October 2013
We found a little piece of heaven here. It is black, smooth, oblong. It hums a soft, but discordant note, and we are afraid to touch it.
3 Thrilling Adventure Hour & Welcome to Night Vale Crossover 1 October 2014

Today you will meet a beautiful stranger. Actually, hundreds of beautiful strangers. Everyone is beautiful and you know almost none of them.

4 The Librarian 1 March 2015
If wishes were horses, those wishes would all run away, shrieking and bucking, terrified of a great unseen evil.

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