"Did you know there's a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home? It's true. She's there now. She's always there, just out of your sight. Always just out of your sight."
The Faceless Old Woman secretly lives in your home. Who doesn't know about the Faceless Old Woman who lives in all of our homes? She was first mentioned in episode 14, The Man in the Tan Jacket, in the advertisement for gulping.Time is described as strange for her because she doesn't perceive it to exist in the same way as it does for other Night Vale residents.
She does 'lots of things', including Bing searching for things like 'pictures of dead wolves' and 'the melting point of birds' and has been known to replace all the books in your home with other books, the covers remaining the same but the content being altered; changing every single word of some of the books, in others only a single comma on a single page.
She is featured in episode 26, Faceless Old Woman in which she issues a statement revealing that she is confused by the way that you organise your fridge, has changed your sheets and wants your wifi password. In the same episode she also formally announces her candidacy for Mayor of Night Vale, because she has some good ideas to help the town, including a way of increasing school funding while still lowering taxes. Also that she set your fridge on fire - it was upsetting her.
Her alerting the media - and you- to her presence in your home, in this episode, seems to upset the Vague, Yet Menacing, Government Agency, whose agents surround your home and prepare to use deadly force. However, after her second statement they retreat and do not use deadly force, regardless of how dead you feel inside.
She returns in episode 31, A Blinking Light up on the Mountain to begin her election campaign against Hiram McDaniels, who she is critical of, claiming he has been exchanging emails with corn lobbyists wanting to elbow in on the Night Vale imaginary corn market; her bid for mayor of Night Vale becoming one of the central plot arcs for the series.
In Episode 33, Cassette, younger Cecil specifically mentions the faceless old woman that secretly lives in his home (along with his mother and brother).
In Episode 37, The Auction, The Faceless Old Woman is said to have taken to leaving leaflets inside the wiring and pipes of your appliances, to be found when the sparking and shaking becomes too much and you must a hire or capture a repair person, as part of her campaign to become mayor in Junes elections.
These leaflets are said to be 'tastefully designed' containing an anatomically-detailed drawing of a sparrow's heart and the slogan "You are fragile, and blind, and wanting, and stepping alone into the great darkness of the future", as well as her five-point policy platform, which is mostly interesting facts she learned about bees.
The Faceless Old Woman is voiced by Mara Wilson.