"What treacherous barber should agree to such depravity? Who takes mere money, or even soulless joy, in depriving our small community of such a simple but important act as luridly admiring Carlos’s stunning coiffe?"
Telly the barber, the man accused of being the one to cut Carlos's hair (by two intrepid sources) in Station Management, is described as being 5'9" with a small mustache, a thick potbelly, and speaking with a thick accent. He appears to have enjoyed sports, and his shop (located at the corner of southwest 5th Street and Old Musk Road) was decorated with pictures of combs, with a tell-tale spinning red and white pole out front, along with a sign reading "Telly's".
By "PYRAMID", Telly is found "wandering the Sand Wastes, howling at the sky, and holding up Carlos's shorn locks, as though begging God to reverse the crime he has done." Cecil says he's received reports that Telly's skin had started blistering, his eyes appeared bleary, and he was spotted attempting to give a cactus a haircut, "whispering and cooing into what he seemed to think was its ear." He also goes on to say that he is "not sorry to see Telly in this state, given his crime."
In A Story About You., You briefly spot Telly out in the Sand Wastes, carrying a cactus and a pair of scissors. He howls at You as You pass. In The Hierarchy of Angels Larry Leroy tells the story about how he and Old Woman Josie once found Telly cutting a cactus' hair.
TELLY THE BARBER.TELLY, THE BARBER. TELLLYYYY THEEEE BAAARBEEER... We must take action.
"In any case, if your cactus is in need of a haircut, try Telly, out wandering the Sand Wastes."
- Telly's name may be a reference to Telly Savalas, the bald actor who starred in the "Kojak" TV series.
- In the TV Series, "iZombie", during the episode, "Max Wager", there was a small reference to Telly (a hitman) and his potential employer, "The Barber".