Starting with episode 4, Cecil has often announced the next program before signing off.
|Episode No.||Stay tuned next for...|
|4||Morse Code for Trumpet Quintets|
|6||Zydeco note by note, a special two hour verbal description of what Zydeco music sounds like.|
|8||A special live broadcast of the Night Vale Symphony Orchestra performing Eugene O'Neill's classic play, The Iceman Cometh.|
|9||An hour of dead air with the occasional hiss and crackle.|
|10||The popular advice program, Doctor Brandon.|
|11||A live broadcast of a man locked in a recording booth staring at a microphone with intense suspicion.|
|12||Car Alarms and Their Variations.|
|14||Two commercial-free hours of E-sharp.|
|16||A community-wide frisson of cosmic fright.|
|17||Me saying "Goodnight, Night Vale, Goodnight."|
|18||An exact word for word repeat of this broadcast that will seem to you imperceptibly but unshakably different, but you will never be able to explain why.|
|20||The sound of some helpless thing being eaten.|
|21||"Well, let's just find out together, shall we?"|
|22||The sound of a rapidly beating heart.|
|23||More voices, more reassuring noise, in this quiet world.|
|24||The popular radio game show "Wait, Wait, Don't, No, Don't, Please, Don't!"|
|26||Our newest hit program, Open-Mouthed Chewing, tonight's topic: Glass shards, how to make the most of a bad situation.|
|27||Efficiency Hour with our own productivity expert, a reversed voice underscored by hypnotic pulses.|
|28||Our countdown of last words, from "Stop telling me how to drive." all the way to "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay."|
|29||A swarm of flies circling a hot mic.|
|30||Loud shortwave radio squelches, followed by a lifetime of tinnitus.|
|31||The background hum of the universe, amplified and with live color commentary.|
|32||The sound of slow, steady dripping, and occasional screams.|
|33||Whatever happens next in your life.|
|34||A predetermined series of unchangeable events which will shape the rest of your scripted life.|
|35||A keening howl, a scratch at the door, a hood falling suddenly over your face, and a delicious roasted squash recipe your family will just love!|
|36||Silence, self-reflection, and a long pause to hear yourself think.|
|37||Our popular home medical program: "Yes, That's Probably Cancer."|
|38||An hour that will feel like minutes but will, in actuality, take weeks.|
|40||Live coverage of college basketball.|
|41||Noises of Cecil's hurried retreat.|
|42||Limitless silence and doubt.|
|43||The sound of your own thoughts, broadcast live on the radio for all to hear.|
|44||A lifetime of self-questioning, followed by conflicting answers from a unreliable source.|
|46||The gentle sounds of forgiveness and a lilting melody of wounds healing|
|47||Bountiful blessings from a Smiling God!|
|48||That nagging feeling that you left the coffee pot on.|
|49B||More of us and more of Cecil.|
|50||A reality that cannot possibly match expectations.|
|51||The sound of future becoming the present, becoming the past, in no time at all.|
|52||A world so possible that its very possibility feels constricting.|
|54||People arguing about sports.|
|56||A radio programme that can only be heard by dogs.|
A surprised man shuffling papers frantically and saying, "Uh, uh, uh" into a mic he did not expect to be on.
The sound of something clawing its way out of your chest.
Time moving faster, faster than it seems, faster and faster, until it disintegrates into stardust.
All the air being sucked out of the room you’re in, we’re sorry, we’re so sorry, but this is the only way.
Something clawing at your window, It will also be sniffing. Sniffing and clawing at your window. Occasionally, it will wail. Occasionally, you will hear nothing. So, to recap: sniffing and clawing at you window over and over, with the occasional piercing wail, and then long silences. All that, next.
Part 3 and Part 4 and many more parts, each succeeding moments after the one before, and some you will hear and some you will not. And none of them will be true, exactly, but all of them will be an honest attempt at the most accurate fiction possible.
The quiz show Ask Me Another But I’ll Never Talk, You Fiend, I’ll Never Talk. It’s our most popular new program.
…oh, I don’t know! Anyway, time for a vacation!
Less of the best and more of the same. It’s been a pleasure to fill in this week, in my old job, Night Vale. Cecil will be back soon.
The sound of folding cardboard and long strips of tape.
Me reporting on the opening of the Opera House, and then not reporting on anything else here, ever again.
Happenstance reconstructed into narrative, and falsely interpreted as having significance.
More stories being told to you all of the time – whether you are aware of them or not.
Less of what you once were but more of what you think you are.
A feeling in your chest that will never quite sit right with you again.
A review of the popular new film, “Unedited CCTV Footage: Citgo #4172, Left Rear Cam.”
A different you, and a different you, and a different you again, each “you” denying their multiple nature.
|76||...in just a few days, or depending on where you are in time, whenever you decide to get around to it, a 401 page factual report about the events that lead to this epilogue, available in hardcover, e-book or audio book from your favorite factual report retailer.|
|77||..for the sound of human breathing. Which is probably just your own breathing. Probably.|
|78||...for a nearly exact repeat of this same show, but with the addition of one extra word, which changes the meaning of everything.|
|79||...for events that will or will not happen in the order that they may or may not occur.|
|80||...for the real life actualization of that dream you had last Tuesday. You'll make a cute couple, so congratulations!|
|81||...for an unexpected gain in cabin pressure. No mask will help you. We weren’t prepared for things to go this way.|
|82||...for the best hits of the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 2010s, 2020s, and beyond.|
|83||...for tomorrow’s winning lottery numbers, broadcast to everyone simultaneously, and so reducing each jackpot share to a small but fair amount.|
|84||...for something lurking just outside your window. Don’t worry, it’s not a human.|
|86||...for words, ordered intentionally and confidently, saying something, understanding nothing.|
|87||...for the awful void of your own doubts and feelings.|
|90||...for a deep sigh. Deep. Deep! No no no, deeper than that.|
|91||...for the sound of a beating heart, a muffled sob, a nearby whisper while you are supposedly alone in the dark, and all of your other favorite jams of the 1980s and '90s.|
|92||...for a hypothetical history that we are all making up together, continuously, just by living it.|
|93||...for the sound of distant drums and cannons.|
|95||...for the sound of scrubbing, followed by the sound of gagging. Followed by the sound of liquid dribbling into a metal pan.|
|96||...for a pilot turning to her co-pilot and saying, “Let’s see what this baby can do.”|
|97||...for the sound of a balloon popping. Stay tuned. It will happen. Eventually. Aaany minute now. Stay tuned!|
|98||... for… I don’t know. I don’t care.|
... for the slow, low sounds of enormous plates shifting deep below us.
|100||... for a drunk, newly married couple, long after the well-wishers have left, piling up bags of garbage and stacking chairs in a rented banquet hall, because they want to get their deposit back.|
|101||...for a 12-hour binaural meditation track of a rain stick being used to tenderize meat.|
|105||...for a look back at your life, featuring the most embarrassing moments and biggest failures, hosted by your own brain. If you miss this showing, don’t worry! It plays on a nightly repeat.|
|107||...for one of our most popular shows, Janelle Duarte’s advice show, “Hey Janelle, What Did I Personally Do to Contribute to Huntokar’s Anger Against us?”|
|107.5||...for that uncertain moment of silence between the last word spoken and the first applause.|
|108||... huh? Whatever was on the schedule for this month has all been scribbled out with charcoal. And with the same charcoal, someone has scrawled “A story about Huntokar” across the entire broadcast calendar. So stay tuned for that, I guess.|