Night Vale High School

Night Vale High School is the only public high school serving the town of Night Vale.

Subjects[]

Deceased former Mayor Tom Garmond is used to teach many junior high school students about the skeletal system.

Student life[]

In 2012, the school added metal detectors—much to the displeasure of parents and students. NVHS students had long been the recipients of shadow government-issued weapons, and, according to parents, the school board's decision to add metal detectors

"impinge on the clandestine operation's rights [...] to bear arms via teenage paramilitary proxies."

The school board justified their decision by responding that

"studies indicate that weapons distract from educators ability to educate, and that students who bring firearms to classrooms are more likely to use firearms than students without firearms. School shootings can only get in the way of a quality education."^[1]

According to Louie Blasko, one of the school's locker rooms is haunted ^[2].

Organized sports[]

Night Vale has an intense rivalry with nearby town Desert Bluffs. Because a losing season is followed by a "government-administered pestilence," the Night Vale Scorpions hope to defend their high school division title by placing a great amount of faith in their quarterback Michael Sandero.

According to Louie Blasko, the school has a fight song, which is sung before every game "to remind us that no matter who wins, everyone involved will eventually perish. ^[2]"

Michael Sandero[]

In 2011, quarterback Michael Sandero had completed only two of 130 pass attempts; the cause of his poor playing could be attributed to having had his throwing hand removed because of his overdue library books, and he had been in advanced stages of cerebral palsy. However, during the off-season Sandero was struck by a sentient lightning bolt which "healed Sandero of his terminal ailments and court-ordered amputations." ^[3]

The quarterback also later grew a second head, which may or may not have been caused by the lightning bolt. Night Vale residents, including Michael's mother Flora Sandero, claimed the new head was smarter and better looking than the first. The Desert Bluffs school district greeted the news of Sandero's second head with accusations of game tampering, saying Sandero's second head counted as a twelfth player, "thus invalidating the wins brought on by his also recently acquired superhuman agility and strength." ^[4]

Despite the controversies, Sandero was awarded a football scholarship to attend the University of Michigan, despite Michigan not being a real state. He was awarded the Heisman Trophy after Michigan's victory over themselves in the national championship game.^[5]^[6]

Malik Herrera[]

Only a few years after the Sandero affair, the Scorpions were again mired in controversy--this time, junior running back Maliq Hererra was found to not exist, and the Scorpions were forced to forfeit all their wins from the 2014 season.^[7]^[8]