||Previous Report Stated
- The witness' name was Crystal Soul Eater.
- We were feeling "pretty good, thanks".
- A low whirring sound was heard only by those to the west of it.
- The witness’ name was Henry Gregson.
- We were feeling, at best, fine.
- No. No. Do not do what we advised. We were so terribly terribly wrong. If you have done it already, well... our heart goes out to those who miss you.
||Cecil and his team discussed the commonly held belief that there is such a thing as mountains. They scoffed at this belief, and bellowed repeatedly, “It is flat all the way ‘round. It is flat all the way 'round."
||There is at least one mountain in this world.
||Cecil described the world as “real.”
He indicated that it was made up of many real objects and entities, and even went so far as to ascribe action and agency to some of these entities.
|Nothing can be fully understood to be “real.” Any description of the world we give is simply the world we experience – which is to say, a narrative we force onto whatever horror or void lies behind the scrim of our perception.
|The University of What It Is
Cecil and his team swung a baseball bat wildly around the studio, knocking our microphone onto the ground until all it could pick up was the stomping of our feet as we systematically destroyed all of our possessions in a misguided attempt to make the world better, and ourselves more happy!
After that, Cecil mistakenly referred to Trish Hidge as the Assistant Deputy to the Mayor.
Trish Hidge is actually the Deputy Assistant to the Mayor.
- Monday: was free hot chocolate day at the Moonlite All-Nite Diner.
- Tuesday: sign-up day for the Night Vale adult kickball league in Mission Grove Park.
- Wednesday: just a nice day to go outside and take a walk. Just a really nice day for it. Stretch those gams. We said the word “gams” over and over, seemingly unable to say anything else.
- Thursday: the day that beings from another world fully defeat us. And we will line the roads and avenues on our knees, heads bowed in recognition of our new masters, our new gods.
- Friday: the day that your citizen renewal packets are due; the reams and reams of paperwork probing every personal detail that you have to fill out in order to remain a citizen of Night Vale.
- Saturday: Caturday!
- Sunday: the day that Tamika Flynn and the beings who claim to be angels team up to lead a dramatic attack against the occupying force with the help of every Night Vale citizen, driving away our new masters and reinstating our old masters, who are brutal and awful, but who at least are a brutal and awful we know and understand.
- Monday: a great craft crashes down from the heavens, and we all will surround the ominous bulk of it, still glowing hot and smoking from the impact, whispering and wondering, helpless to act.
- Tuesday: There will be an event in the park, but this event will be a creature emerging from the craft, towering over us and, in a language we should not understand and yet, and yet we do understand, demanding that we worship it.
- Wednesday: the day we will stage a brief but ultimately unsuccessful resistance against the horde of slimy, many-appendaged alien warriors pouring out from the landing craft.
- Thursday: no corrections
- Friday: instead of turning your citizen renewal packet in to the City Council, who will at that point be locked in a hyperdimensional prison by the occupying extraterrestrials, you will instead turn it in to the supervisor of your assigned human pod, so that they can gauge how much energy can be extracted from your body.
- Saturday: the invading aliens start feeding on us.
- Sunday: no correction