2013 auction Edit
The Sheriff's Secret Police hoped to raise $7.3 million in order to purchase "balloons, birthday candles, yellowcake, and a piñata." The auction soon descended into chaos. Afterwards, the Sheriff's Secret Police declared it a success and deployed their armored piñata in celebration.
While reporting on the auction, Cecil Palmer noticed that one of the lots was listed in the catalog as "Cecil Palmer." No description was given. Cecil's request for a photograph of the lot was denied. He rushed to the auction house and obtained a paddle just before bidding began, but, overcome by nerves, forgot to raise his paddle. Only one bid was placed. He did not learn the winner's identity. In Review, it is revealed he was bought by HIram McDaniels' violet head.
- Lot 1: an all-clad dinnerware set with eight pans in cast aluminum for perfect distribution of heat (sold for $175,000)
- Lot 2: glowing coin with the image of a grim, horned god on the obverse, and a half-collapsed panopticon on the reverse, graded MS-45 by the Sheriff’s Secret Police Coin Grading Service
- Lot 3: silver candelabra that once floated across a series of dining rooms-turned-abattoirs, to better illuminate the flying daggers that accompanied it
- Lot 4: set of flying daggers, with maniacally-detailed designs on the shaft collars
- Lot 17: near-mint copy of Uncanny X-Men #3, 1964
- Lot 28: a gently used five-cup coffee maker
- Lot 37: Cecil Palmer
- Lot 38: A normal human disguise 
Other lots include carpets, some mid-century modern furniture, and a set of Elvis Presley's .45-caliber revolvers.