The advertisements on Night Vale Community Radio are very strange, and often have little to do with the business itself.

Cecil takes his journalistic integrity seriously and very rarely interferes with the ad copy he is given to read; he will even make a point of giving the endorsement when he is personally devastated.[1] However, he will sometimes offer his own contributions, after being careful to mark them out as his own: he once offered a personal recommendation in lieu of an ad[2], once registered his personal objection to the contents of an ad[3], and once rewrote ad copy on the grounds that the original was too confusing to be useful[4].


Episode Sponsor Message Summary Tagline
2 Coca-Cola an abstract poem describing a walk on the cool sand dunes N/A
3 Big Rico's Pizza The flavor (and taste) of Big Rico's are scrumptious. The Hooded Figures and the City Council endorse Big Rico's, and all Night Vale citizens are mandated to eat there once a week. It is a misdemeanor not to. No one does a slice like Big Rico, folks. No one.
5 Hole in the Vacant Lot Out Back of the Ralphs Very little information is conveyed about the hole. A series of questions are posed, and then never answered. Come to the Hole in the Vacant Lot out back of the Ralph’s and huddle with Us. Or else.
6 N/A Cecil simply moans for several seconds. N/A
7 N/A The word from our sponsor is "carp".
8 Subway Fairly standard endorsement except the vegetables include "french fries and Nutella", Subway locations are accessible through witchcraft and chanting, and if you buy 9 "reverse colonics", you're eligible for a free 40-oz soda or tobacco cookie. Devour your own empty heart.
9 Cecil tries to look up audio books related to the Dog park, but audible simply produces a flashing black and red screen that says "THOUGHTCRIME", plus an adorable animation of two digging workers: "Under Construction". You can't burn what you can't even touch.
10 Tropicana Second person narrative about coming home, forgetting to turn the lights on, hearing the phone ring, forgetting you own a phone, remembering you own a phone, answering the phone, and hanging up, glad you at least remembered to buy Tropicana.
11 none, but Cecil reads a message that sounds like a sponsorship for wheat and wheat by-products
12 Direct TV A warning against wishing for immortality. Immortality is stupid. Think before you wish.
14 the physical act of gulping
15 Target A meditation on the various types of silence in this world. Shop. at. Target.
17 none, but the mention of The only website now. Where did the rest of them go? Do not ask. Do not ask.
18 a "paid editorial" consisting of humming and whistling N/A
19A The Home Depot A series of questions that start off normally enough, focusing on home improvement then devolve into things like "Ever wanted to touch something because you feel things because touch is the only sense you trust?". All punctuated by the repeated question: "Incomplete?" You can do it. We can help.
19B StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated Very similar format to 19A's, except the question, repeated over and over again is "Unfulfilled?" We are you.
20 Greater Night Vale Realty Association an encouragement to buy a home, some reasons it's a good idea, and where to find a realtor (inside a deer) Streets swallow their own tails and choke.
21 Taco Bell A poem in which every three phrases is a number counting down from 7 to 1. Live más.
22 Red Lobster Nightmarish second-person narration of being trapped in a room where the walls move while something grabs your leg. Come see what's fresh today.
23 Six Flags Desert Springs Series of questions about whether you are lost and trapped in a featureless spiral cavern.
24 Wendy's/The Brown Stone Spire Discussion of how much trouble you should be in before you seek its help. While The Brown Stone Spire does have a slogan, it cannot be pronounced.
27 Denny's Restaurants Short statement about the illusion of safety. Why not?
28 unknown ad for a "free 30 day trial" including free arrest, charges, arraignment, and conviction, guaranteed.
29 none, but Cecil endorses a service that delivers feelings, whether you want them or not (Cecil specifies that this is his personal endorsement, not a paid ad--the only time that he has done this.)
30 McDonald's Description of your morning ritual of staring into the mirror until you dissociate. I'm lovin'!
31 uncertainty... possibly.
33 unknown, but the best choice in whatever industry they are in discussion of how your death will not change anything about the moon
34 Samsonite Discussion of fire and smoke. Travel safe.
35 Costco and StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated How much could a body even weight?

Distrust all that you previously trusted.

36 StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated Brief rhyme about grass, followed by "Strex" pronounced with increasingly rolled Rs. Working hard so you can work harder.

Work harder.
Get to work!

38 You live in a dying world. We love you.
39 Starbucks Reminder to the ad-writer to write the ad copy. (Cecil reads this out verbatim.) none
41 Mountain Dew Description of a monk slowly making his way across a meadow, ringing a bell. Do the Dew.
42 Increasingly abstract discussion of abstractions.
43 StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated Believe in a smiling God. Believe in your perfect self. Strex. Strex.
46 Irish Spring Second-person discussion of how unfamiliar you are with the mundane aspects of your life. Whose hands are these?
47 StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated
48 Best Buy Discussion of how cold you're getting. Conserve your oxygen!
49A Whole Foods (Deb reads this ad, interspersed with encouragement from Cecil.) Why in the world would we poison our frozen dinners? We definitely do not do that!
52 the concept of itching
55 Outback Steakhouse Statement of how much the sponsor despises rules. "Do what thou wilt" shall be the whole of the law.
56 Staples Worship Old Gods
57 PetCo Where did the pets go?
58 silent self-reflection
60 Chevrolet Advertisment for Chevorlet’s new line of all-electric cars, made entirely of electricity, one of which is currently in the listener’s home, despite not having paid for it. We're trying to be reasonable here!
61 Kobe beef N/A The beef that makes you fresh!
62 We cannot tell you.
63 Unknown; the name of the product was presumably introduced in part 1
66 Craigslist We sold your stuff while you were gone.
71 Venom Box A monthly subscription service that sends you a box of venomous creatures every month. This month's theme is: "Fanged and Impossibly Quick"
72 Jo-Ann Fabrics Because it is Back-to-school season, Jo-Ann's Fabrics is a great choice for one-stop shopping. (Deb presents this ad)
74 Knife Describes all the great uses of Knife, cutting things, poking a hole in things, making one thing become two smaller things, etc.
75 that gut feeling that you did something wrong but you can't think of what it could be
76 Harper Perennial (This is the only time thus far that Cecil has voiced a personal objection to the content of an ad.) No one has to know you are a book reading freak.
77 your mom
79 Richter's Eye Glass Hut
81 Google Lists of strange images you can search for. Search for super-weird stuff. You’ll probably find something at least kind of similar.
82 Pfizer We can’t even with this right now.
83 a happy-looking dog that’s woofing and wagging his tail What a convenient system. What a good boy!

What a good boy.

84 Dove Campaign for Real Beauty Lungs on a white table.
86 Papa Johns It'll be fine.
87 Kleenex Brand Tissues
89 Clorox Bleach It is possible the world is ending. If you cannot hide, then you must run. If you cannot run, then you must die.